Simple moments

I'm still not sure what went on over there by evergreen. A lot. I can tell you that.

Of this, I've no doubt.

His time. 

The space. 

His love.

The gift of grapes. 

His beating heart. 

The welcoming of my unadulterated unedited brazen loving self.

His warmth, the gently strong granite-armed embrace, like an open outcropping leaving me exposed to witness the storm, cool mist on my face. The winds, tossing a vortex of yellow leaves about, the rain, soaking them, gluing them to the dark slippery sodden rocks.

I am exposed sufficiently to witness and experience, while deeply protected in his embrace. Somatically, from his peaceful state, he seems to say, “Venture out. Go deep. I'll be here. Wherever you are going. Whatever you have to see. Go. Don't worry. I will be here when you return. You are safe.”

There is always a curious investment I bear wanting to know what he witnesses. His somatic response- reminds me, what matters more is what I see and experience. 

I looked outward and upward, wanting to express. Ideas and history, stuck on the edge of my brain unable to connect to vocabulary. And there lies a realization - it doesn't matter much if I can't get it out. The mishegoss doesn't matter. is is all just story; go to where there is no story.

As I gazed into his eyes from my seemingly maniacal frenetic frenzied state, I saw, I experienced, I understood his love. 

A simple moment.

A teacher once pointed out to me, our coming together to laugh on Friday afternoon was billions of years in the making, but a simple moment. To be together. To recognize. We are. As one.

It's always as one, I just don't always recognize it.

In that moment, I feel gratitude, that sense of adventure, I lean up and kiss his cheek and feel his face. And his eyes and smile seemed to say, I see you. 

You are ok. Can you give yourself that? You are silly, you are lovely, you are in pain, yet you are intelligent and strong. You yearn and crave. You are precious. There are places you can go to that I can't accompany you. You already have what you need, let me help you find it. Don't be afraid. You are safe. I have you.

 I see you. 

I have you. 

You are safe. 

 Oh. I understand now.